I used to think that I’d suddenly become confident once I lost 15kg. I was 18 years old, I had been getting comments on my body, on my weight and on what I was eating from women in my family since I was a child.

And I thought that losing that weight would bring me the happiness and validation that I was seeking. I had one particular dress size in mind that I wanted to reach, and until I reached it, I didn’t see a point in doing anything.

I’d tell myself things like “Once I get to that dress size, I can buy new clothes” “I can be in the photos”, I’ll speak up and show up more”. Once I reach that size, I’ll finally feel beautiful and be happy.

My life literally felt like a “before" post, and I needed to wait for the “after” to be able to fully enjoy it. I was fully convinced that everything will be better once I’d lose weight - how could it not, I’d been taught my whole life that being thinner was the main goal in life for women and the condition to being loved and worthy.

So I put things on hold, waiting to feel ready - and I wasn’t even doing it consciously. Waiting to feel beautiful, confident, and just enough.

Inside, I was craving to just be accepted as I was, but it was never enough. I grew up watching Bridget Jones movies, and while it of course participated to all the messages about being too fat (how were we made to believe that Bridget was fat is beyond me), it also had one of my favourite sentence EVER, delivered by the amazing Marc Darcy: “I like you very much. Just as you are.”

And who doesn’t want to hear those exact words?

That waiting to lose weight, it didn’t feel like self-rejection at the time. It felt like I was being realistic: I was, like so many other women of my generation, trying to become my “best self".

But here’s what I’ve learned: that version of me never arrived. Not with those 15kg I lost, not when I was a French size 38 (10 UK). Simply because that finish line that I had set just kept moving.

A belief many of us carry

And I know for a fact, from being in this industry for a few years now, that my story is nothing special. So many women of my generation and not older carry the same one. They tell themselves:

“Once I lose weight, I’ll finally feel confident."

“Once I’m thinner, I’ll finally feel like myself."

“Once I have more control over what I eat, everything will change for me.”

It makes sense. Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that our worth is tightly linked to how we look. That thinness equals beauty, success, health and happiness. Worthiness.

Many women, just like me, have heard those messages since they were children, and we absorbed them. We’ve been taught that our values comes from our appearance. From comments on our bodies, from diet’s culture’s constant noise, from media that shows only one kind of body being loved and chosen, and successful.

And from loving family members who struggle with their own body image and weight, and pass those on to us.

We’ve internalised that until we look a certain way, some things will be impossible for us. Have you ever heard something along the lines of “Men only like skinny women” or “If you don’t lose weight, nobody will want you?” from movies, TV shows, books? Or even in real life from people who think that this will motivate you to change your body? That's why so many women wait to look a certain way to be a certain weight to start dating.

But what if the issue isn’t your body at all?

Why that belief never really works

I’m here to tell you what no one does: You can lose weight and still hate your body.

You can still feel unworthy, anxious around food, feel that same sense of “not enough” even after reaching your dream weight. That’s what happened to me. And to most of my clients. We reach our goal weight after a strict diet, but we realise that we still want to lose more - so we set a new one, even lower.

We finally wore the motivation dress (you know, that dress a couple of size smaller that you keep in your wardrobe to motivate you to keep going?) but we still can’t stop picking ourself apart in the mirror and that dress never gets out of the bathroom.

We were so convinced that everything would miraculously change and get better after the weight loss, but we still feel like we’re not enough. We still feel stuck.

That’s because your body image struggles aren’t about the number you see on the scale. They’re about something deeper:

• About safety in your nervous system

• About memories of being judged, criticised or shamed

• About all the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways you learned your body was “wrong” and needed to be fixed.

And when your nervous system is stuck in a loop of shame and guilt, self-protection or perfectionism, no external change can fully land.

You can have all the willpower in the world, be the most disciplined person on the planet, but if your body feels unsafe (unsafe to rest, to eat, to be seen, to experience joy), it will keep you in survival mode.

It has nothing to do with willpower. That’s why no number on the scale can fix what’s happening underneath, why you might have moments of progress but still feel like something is missing. And that’s not your fault.

Because it was never about your body.

What happens when you wait

What you might not be realising is the impact of you delaying joy, putting your life on hold or postponing your dreams until you look a certain way has on your life. The price you pay for it.

It does chip away at your spirit. It creates a sort of quiet ache, and a sense that your life is happening but without you. I've experienced that first hand, and so have my clients.

Because you start missing on special moments: avoiding the beach trip because you don’t want to be seen in a swimsuit. Saying no to the date, or declining to be in the photo. Staying home instead of going out because you don’t feel comfortable in any clothes.

On the surface, it may look like you’re being practical, or even realistic. But deep down, it’s a fear of being visible in a body that you’ve been taught should be hidden until it looks thin. And that fear is valid!

You’re allowed to choose to protect yourself from all this. But it doesn’t have to be the drive anymore. The truth is, if no one else has told you, your body doesn’t need to change for your life to begin. You don’t have to keep waiting.

What if you started now?

I’d like you to ask yourself… What if?

What if you wore that dress anyway?

What if you said yes to that date?

What if you let yourself be seen - just as you are?

What if you decide to start believing that your body isn’t the barrier to all the things you want to achieve?

It’s not about giving up. It’s about coming home to yourself, to your body. To your inner wisdom, and to the joy that you really want to experience but have been pushing away.

You don’t need to “love every inch” of your body overnight. Or every day. I can tell you, as your coach, I don’t love every single part of my body every day. Some days are tougher than others. But even when I don’t, I still respect my body, and care for it. So what if you too could be in a relationship with your body, built on respect, care and trust?

That’s where freedom begins!

This Is the Work We Do in Feed Your Freedom

Inside Feed your Freedom, we don’t focus on controlling your body for it to start looking a certain way.

We focus on reconnecting with it. You will learn to:

• Create safety in your nervous system, so you’re not stuck in survival mode

• Untangle the deeper beliefs such as “I’m not enough until I’m thinner"

• Heal the root of bingeing, emotional eating and body shame

• Build confidence from the inside out

This isn’t about burying the desire to feel good in your body. Because that’s the ultimate goal. But it is about expanding your definition of what that can look like.

It’s about learning to live your life to the fullest right now. Not once you lose the weight. Not once you deem that you’ve earned it. You don’t have to earn being confident and happy.

You have permission to live your life NOW.

If you've been waiting, this is your sign

I know how scary it can feel to begin this work, I’ve been there. It’s vulnerable to do it, and I know that part of you might still be hoping that this new diet you’re trying will work, that when you start again on Monday, this time it will stick and your life will change.

But I promise you this: you don’t have to go on this journey alone. And you don’t have to wait to feel “ready”. You just have to feel willing. Willing to try something different. To make changes. Willing to stop abandoning yourself, to be loved just as you are.

Feed your Freedom is open now. If something in you is stirring reading this blog, I’d love to talk with you. Email me to explore what this journey could look like for you. Because your life isn’t meant to be postponed - it’s meant to be lived. Now.

If you’re ready to take that first step, I’d love to invite you to book your complimentary consult today 💚