I don’t know about you, but if you're anything like me and the women I coach, you probably have experienced people (often loved ones) commenting on either your body or your food intake. It’s rarely pleasant, and it can cause more damage than they think. Knowing how to respond and react to those comments is definitely a skill to master, because no matter how confident you are, people are not going to stop.

This is a topic that often comes up during coaching sessions, in my own life, and also when I’m just talking to my friends, so it’s time to address it!

Why are people commenting on my body/food?

Even though the people making those comments, as I mentioned above they’re often our loved ones, do it without malicious intent or with the intention to hurt you, those comments usually bring up is a sense of shame, self-doubt. And you might even start questioning yourself: What if they’re right? What if I do eat too much pasta? What if I really shouldn’t wear slim jeans because it shows my thighs too much? (Yep, this one I’ve heard many times 🙃).

The thing I’d like you to remember is that all those things tend to be projections: they are projecting their own insecurities on you when making those comments. And that’s why those comments are often followed by "…if I ate that I’d….” or “if I wore that…” - they’re projecting!!

And most of the time, they don’t even realise that this is what they’re doing. So my first tip is, even though it’s easier said than done, try to remember that it’s actually not about you. And when I say it’s easier said than done, that’s because those comments tend to trigger our deepest scars and insecurities.

They can cause real damage to our confidence, the way we see ourselves and our mental health in general. Even though the one making the comment doesn't want to actually cause you pain - in the cases I’ve encountered in my personal life, or the stories I’ve heard from my clients or even my friends, the loved ones thought those comments were just coming from a place of care and love, to help the person “realise”. This does not work… and usually just causes heaps of pain and shame.

How can I respond to those comments?

So, how to respond when this happens to you? Here are a few examples you can say (remember, only you can decide what to respond when this happens, and make sure to tweak those replies into something that’s comfortable for you):

Ok, first of all, breathe and take a second to sit with the emotion that this brought up for you. Whatever you’re feeling at that moment is valid, so accept it. This will also help you centre yourself and not react with anger.

1. Thank you for your concern, but I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t make comments about my body/food intake anymore

2. I'm aware of what I'm eating, and I’m ok with my choice, but thank you for your concern

3. This comment is making uncomfortable, I’d appreciate if you didn’t make comments about my body/food in the future

4. Thank you for your concern, but I'm comfortable with my body just the way it is.

5. I prefer not to discuss my body. Let's focus on something else.

6. I'm working on loving and accepting myself exactly as I am, and I appreciate your support in that journey.

7. I'm more than just my appearance. Let's talk about something that matters to both of us.

8. I'm listening to my body's cues and nourishing myself in a way that feels right for me.

9. Food is not just about fuel; it's also about enjoyment. I'm savouring this moment and the flavours on my plate.

What I like about these responses is that they also help you set your boundaries - one of the most important things we work on during coaching sessions! Setting boundaries can be tough, and uncomfortable, and bring up a lot of negative emotions, but it is essential. Hopefully, those responses will help you show what you can and can’t accept when it comes to your body and what you eat!

And one last thing from me: it’s okay if you feel sad, ashamed, emotional, etc… when someone makes a comment about your body or your food intake, and the only way you can respond at that moment is to close up on yourself, or get angry. Sometimes, we know what we should say, but we just can’t. And that’s ok! Keep those examples in mind for the next time, and maybe you’ll feel like using them then. 🤗

If you have other examples you use, or if you use one of the responses in this article, come discuss it with me on Instagram, @coachingwithmaelle, I’d love to hear about it!