It’s Not About the Food: Why Emotional Eating Isn’t Fixed with ‘Tips’

Think about that moment when you’re standing in the kitchen again, you realise you’re halfway through a pack of biscuits and not being even sure how much you’ve eaten as you’ve barely tasted it, you’re not even hungry but you can’t stop yourself.

Of course, the self-criticism starts right away: What’s wrong with me? I’d been doing so well today, I was so good!

Here’s the truth though: nothing is wrong with you. Your body is doing what it knows how to do to help you feel safe and to soothe you.

If you’re the woman who has tried to control what she eats, to restrict, to “be good” and is now ready to heal instead… that blog post is for you 💚 

Because I was you a few years ago. I get it.

What emotional eating really is

I’d like to start by stating that emotional eating (when you reach for food to soothe your emotions, whether positive or not) is not because you don’t have enough willpower or because for some reason you are just weak around food. It’s about your nervous system being dysregulated and not having other options to soothe yourself.

When your body is in fight or flight or freeze response, it often turns to food as a fast, easy and familiar way to soothe and comfort you.

The other thing I would like to mention is that the binge that you’re experiencing is not the problem - it’s a symptom, something that your body wants to bring your attention to.

That problem is often unmet needs (connection, intimacy, purpose), chronic stress, or simply being disconnected from your body’s signals. And trying to control it with more willpower isn’t going to solve it.

I remember so many days eating “perfectly”, being “strong” and saying no to a piece of cake at work, only to come back home in the evening and opening a pack of biscuits, almost in autopilot mode. Not because I genuinely wanted it. But because something in me felt empty, tensed, frustrated. That wasn’t hunger, but a way for my body to tell me: I need comfort. I need SOMETHING.

And eating was the fastest & easiest way to deal with it. Did it make me feel better? Yes, for like 5 minutes.

Why traditional advice fails

Here are some of the advice that we see most often when it comes to healing emotional eating:

• “Just go for a walk.”

• “Call a friend.”

• “Keep tempting foods out of the house.”

• “Drink water when you feel a craving.”

And maybe you’ve tried one of them, or even all of them - more than once. And when they didn’t work, maybe you thought that you were the problem. Once again, it was a proof that you had no willpower.

But let me offer you a reframe: these strategies often fail to actually work not because you’re weak or have no discipline, but because they’re built on the assumption that you’re already calm, grounded, and regulated enough to be in a position to choose another option than food.

But if you are stuck in survival mode, you’re not. The thing is, when you are anxious, exhausted, overwhelmed - your body isn’t prioritising logic. It’s prioritising safety. And if food is what has brought you comfort or soothing in the past (as it has for most people, starting when we were being babies and offered milk when we were crying), your system is going to reach for it again. And not because you’re broken - but because it’s doing its best to protect you.

This is why “just drink some water” feels laughable in those moments. Why keeping your favourite treat out of the house doesn’t stop the urge. And instead, it just adds another layer of shame and guilt.

Because when those tactics don’t work for you, it’s just frustration that you feel - you also feel like a failure.

But here’s the truth I want you to keep in mind: You’re not failing. These tools just really weren’t designed for what you’re actually experiencing. And that’s not your fault.

But those “avoidance tips” can be useful once you already feel safe. Let’s see how to get there!

Your gentle, nervous-system first approach

There are few things you can do first before you can implement those tips:

1 - Safety first

Before anything else, we need to make sure that your body knows that you’re safe NOW. And this means reconnecting to your body, so you can slow down, take deep breaths, and tune in to physical cues - such as hunger, tension, tiredness - without judging yourself for feeling those emotions.

A great practice to put in place here is breath work: breathe deeply in the 4-4-6 pattern (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 6 counts) and repeat it 3 times. It only takes a minute or two and can have a massive impact!

2 - Feel the feeling (without judgement or trying to fix it)

Once you’ve done your breathing exercise, and that your system is more grounded, it is time to do some exploration: what’s really going on? What is happening in your life right now, that makes you feel that way?

Maybe it’s that you feel lonely, because you just came home to an empty house and you know that you’re going to spend an evening on the couch by yourself and that fills you up with sadness. Maybe you’ve just had a really tough day at work and have been over working yourself for two weeks and you’re tired and need a proper rest. Maybe you experienced something uncomfortable during the day, like some criticism, and you can’t get it out of your head. Maybe you feel frustrated with someone, a friend, a partner, and are creating scenarios in your mind about how a tough conversation would go.

Whatever it is, just name it. You don’t need to solve it immediately, you simply need to identify it and name it. It’s not easy, because that’s not something we’ve been taught to do.

3 - Reconnection Over Restriction

Our goal is then to be building trust again with your hunger, your fullness, your cravings. Because you need to reconnect to your body, and learn to listen to it again, and to be curious instead of trying to be in control.

So do a little body scan: as yourself, “What is my body asking for right now?” "What would truly feel nourishing right now - not just physically, but emotionally?” “What do I truly need right now?”.

Whether that’s sleep, rest, a self-care evening, a conversation with someone, movement, etc… then give yourself this. You need to meet your needs, instead of focusing on the symptoms.

When your body feels safe, food stops being your only comfort to soothe your emotions. You stop needing to bury those emotions deep down, because your body feels safe enough to be able to deal with them. And you can finally start living like someone who trusts herself and her body again.

If you’re ready to take that first step, I’d love to invite you to book your complimentary consult today 💚